Discovering my purpose

Hi readers! Yup I'm back after more than a years absence. So much has happened this past year, and I will slowly update you all with what has been going on. Let me share a bit with you. In August my youngest daughter turned one years old, and is growing and blossoming so beautifully. As many of you know of some of the struggles I have been dealing with with my oldest daughter, well recently we got a unoffical diagnosis of Autism and have started the process with a psychologist to get an official diagnosis.  We have been working so hard trying to figure out what has been going on with her, and we are finally on the road to getting her the help she needs.

But I must confess that I feel like I am not the right one to deal with her struggles. My bipolar has been very well managed med-free for over a year now, and that is such an amazing accomplishment for me. I don't recommend that for everyone and I am constantly looking over my mental health to see if at anytime I need to resume my meds. But as my daughter has been struggling I feel helpless. I have no skill to deal with her, and that is a hard thing for me to admit. I love her with all of my heart, and so my husband and I sat down and prayed what was best for our family. We came to the conclusion that one of us had to stay at home full time to be her caregiver. I knew that I was not able to do it, and as the mom that felt like such a major failure. But God had a plan all along. My husband has the most patience I have ever seen, and can deal with her major ups and downs far far better than I can. I know he is God's gift to me and I will never cease thanking God for him.  So it is my husband who is staying home with our kids full time, and I am working full time. This is such a role reversal, and it feels odd at times. But really I am the happiest I have ever been, and I see that happiness as me following my purpose.

I have been a care provider for elderly and disabled adults for the past 11 years and I often wondered if it was what I was supposed to keep doing. Once I realized that being a caregiver was my purpose and gift, to provide financially for my family, a burden I didn't know I carried was lifted. I am working over full time right now and it is really good for me. My depression is so much better and I am able to focus and accomplish much more. I am going to keep sharing more of my journey with you, and I welcome any question you may have.

I am in no way perfect and this plan may not work forever but right now I know that I am following God's will for my life. I am always seeking to become the best version of myself that I can be. I will never quit trying to conquer bipolar; it will never rule over me!!