Hi readers sorry i have not posted in a while. Aaron arrived a couple weeks ago and planning my wedding has taken up all my time, but as always my Bipolar always makes sure it gets to come too. Having Aaron with me most of the time now has helped me manage my moments so much, but knowing the 99% of the management is up to me is helping me make sure i don't take advantage of his kindness. Many days the last month i had some very bad mood days. They got so bad i missed work a few days because i couldn't get my mood under control. Mostly lately my moods have been depressive and those are the worst because it is like a rope is tied around my leg and it pulls me into a hole. There in that hole i sit and go deeper inside myself. i had a depressive mood for a few days last month and it was so hard to pull myself out of that hole, and looking back now it is hard to remember exactly how i did get out of it, but over all i know that in those times God is guiding me out.
I really hate being depressed it is the hardest part of bipolar for me because after the mood is over i really don't remember what i have done. Sometimes i realize that i have hurt people or said cruel things and not knowing i did that is very painful. I always pray for God to constantly keep me aware of my moods so i can turn them around before they get too bad. But then there are the other times when they come on so fast i just give in and don't fight them. Those moods where very frequent last month and i think they come more when i am stressed.
Well now that Aaron is here and we are about to get married in 25 days i am realizing that things are going to be better, but not in a way that all my moods will go away. My moods will always be here waiting to come and go as much as they want, but knowing that he will be there with me to help guide me to God when i am too weak in my mood to try to get better. I love have a partner in Christ it makes the bad times seem less intense and with the love he has for me (which i know is straight from Christ) keeps me grounded in God and daily following Christ that i may live for Christ and fight my Bipolar daily that I may use it to glorify Christ!!!
