the day is bright then....crash

Much of my life is a battle between "wow I am so happy" and "nothing is working i am failure...." many would say "oh everyone goes through that sometimes" but I am not apart of that everyone group.  When my moods go hot and cold on me I have no choice as to when they should stop. most people if they are down they can find some way to cheer themselves up, but with bipolar depression it is like a little man is in my head controling my mood and I have no power over him. Now to many out there that may seem like a copout well I will tell you that no one really wants to be depressed or so happy they cant focus or sit still to do anything. When I start to fall into a depressive mode it can last hours to days sometimes it can last for a week or more for me. This part is the most physically draining. 
    I hate having bipolar I wouldnt wish this on my worst enimey it is many times a living nightmare.  Sometimes I feel that if I just cry loud enough or sit alone long enough it would just go away, but that has never been God's will for me.  I have been called to bare this burden and many times I hate it, but God gives me strength for each day so I can get up take my pills and go to work.
      well yes medication does play a core role in my life with out my meds I would not be living independent and working full time.  I really hate taking medication but for me I spent so many years trying to get help that I dont want to have to go back to that place I was in.  That place was full of suffering, constant thoughts of suicide, and wishing every night I wouldnt wake up the next day. I thankfully never had the strength to kill myself because I was afraid of experienceing more pain and that I would go to hell away from God.   I asked Christ in my life at 13 and being 25 now I look back on my life and see that I spent 20 years of my life in emotional truama because no one but my mom saw that inside my brain I was suffering.  
          Now to try and settle an issue that people with a mental illness should just snap out of it, sorry that is not possible.  That is like asking someone with Cancer to just snap out of it. They can't because they're body is being attacked by an illness, and that is the same as someone with a mental illness. I am being attacked daily by the illness that lives in my brain and I try daily to fight it, but there are days when the meds don't work and I am a mess, but through all of those days and the good days God is always holding me.