Hello readers! Since my last post my meds have been changed again, and this time I believe we got it right. They put me on a higher does than I would have liked but my moods are finally getting balainced, but with this comes a price. The price is the side effects of the medication. The side effect that I have been dealing with is weight gain. At every appointment I am seeing more weight pile on and it breaks my heart because this year I worked so hard to lose weight and now all my efforts have been wasted. Well you may be thinking just change the medication, but it is not that simple. And other medications I have tried just don't work for me. So I am at a intersection with only two opptions before me, be balanced and fat or be thin anid unbalanced. I can't have both and that makes me so mad. I see people I know thin and healthy and I look in the mirror and see my weight climb higher and higher. This is a battle that I don't want to have to deal with.
We all have our battles to deal with and I know that, but I feel like my battle has become bigger than I can deal with. So I sit here writing to you in a state of discouragement and confusion. I am so glad that my moods are getting better and I am even sleeping better which is all great progress or me, but part of me doesnt know if it is worth gaining weight for. I dont want to be prevented from losing weight and constantly be battleing with it, and right now that is what I am faced with. I really have two battle to deal with now, bipolar and my weight. I have a price to pay for getting balanced and I am paying for it with my weight and the prospect of never being at the size I want and have my moods balanced at the same time.
I need to find a place of acceptance inside myself and at this point I don't know how to find that, if I will find it, or when I will find it. Until then I am in a place of discouragement and pray to God that He can guide me out of it.
