Life as a new mom

Hi readers, I know it has been a long time since my last post, but so much has been going on.  As you know I have been writing about my journey being pregnant and bipolar but the pregnancy has ended.  Our daughter Katherine decided that she would be born two months early.  On April 13th at 12:30 am my water broke and after arriving at our local hospital and the failed attempts to stop my labor they few me via helicopter to a bigger hospital and in the short ride over maybe 10 minutes I dilated to 8 cm and they prepared for labor. I got to the bigger Hospital a little after 4 am and Katherine was born at 6:26 am.  Our sweet girl weighed 4lbs 9oz and is 17.5 inches long.  But even though she is born we don't get to take her home quite yet.  She has to stay in the NICU for many weeks at least 4-6 weeks.

   She is so strong and such a little fighter.  When she was born she was unable to breathe on her own but since her birth she has made huge strides.  She can now breathe on her own and take full feeds via feeding tube in her nose.  She was in an isolate to keep her warm so she could grow more, but now she is in an open crib and is holding her body temp pretty well, but if she gets too cold they will have to put her back in the isolate.

    Right now we can only get over to see her on the weekends cause we have to work, but the nurses and doctors at the NICU are taking very good care of her and let us call any time we want!!!

As far as my bipolar goes it has been hard.  During pregnancy my moods felt like they were under pretty good control but very soon after Katherine was born I felt that stability just fall out from under me. I became very depressed and was crying almost uncontrollably, but I really wanted to try to make it without a mood stabilizer.  So I started to pump my breast milk for Katherine and it gave me some help with my moods but the stress of having to pump so often and bring it up to her quickly made my moods worse.  A week after her birth I went on a medication that I could breast feed with to see if that would help.  My moods have improved but the stress of pumping was too much for me so 10 days after she was born I discontinued breast pumping.  I have been working on drying out  my milk supply for the past two days and it has been hard but I am feeling my moods under better control.  I made the choice to not pump or breast feed so that I can be a healthy mom for Katherine.  Because if I am too depressed to take care of her or even myself she will suffer and so will I.

I am praying every day that my sweet little girl will come home soon and will be able to be at home with her mom and day!!! Being a mother and a wife is the greatest journey I will ever go on, and many times I feel very inadequate to take it on.  But I know that Christ puts us on journeys cause He knows what is best for us.  I don't see how this is the right path for me, but I love being a wife and I love my little girl and can't wait to have her home.  God is good and His love endures forever.  This promise I will hold on to for all my life.