These last few weeks has been so full of Satan's attack on my life. Everywhere I turn I hear him trying to sew lies in my life about motherhood, or being the kind of wife I want, or about how I am managing my bipolar; they never seem to end. But then on Sunday at church I felt like God broke through the lies and spoke to my heart what I needed to hear.
Our pastor was speaking about prayer and how even in the most desperate situations God can move and work a miracle. He said that sometimes as Christians we think that we are praying when we are really just thinking about it to ourselves trying to work the problem out in our head. And I felt like God was saying to me that I do that so often and don't really pray as often as I think I am. I realized too that many times I think that I am relying on God but I am really relying on my own strength, and I end up falling apart cause without Christ I can get through nothing. I have been looking more to Christ for my strength and wisdom and when I start to feel like I am going to loose it I am trying to strait to the cross and pray for God to give me strength. But I also found that the most important part I fail to do is just to sit at His feet and listen for His voice.
These verses really spoke to me about waiting on God and listening to His voice:
Pr 8:34 Blessed is the man who listens to Me, watching daily at My doors, waiting at My doorway.
Ps 5:3 In the morning, O LORD, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation.
Ps 27:14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Ps 37:7a Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
Sometimes God's voice seems so silent but He is there and will speak when He knows is the right time all we need to do is wait for the Lord. This is what I need to work on in my life right now mostly because I see Satan trying to use my anxiousness to solve a problem against me. I try and make it on my own cause I don't want to ask for help but I am really hurting myself even more because I won't pray and humble myself before God and ask for His help. For me this affects my moods so much because when I don't manage my stress level my bipolar goes crazy and I just crash emotionally. But when I sit before the Lord and pray then wait for Him His love comforts me and lifts me up giving me the strength to fight back my moods and gain His wisdom on how to lower my stress. Because in the end managing my mental illness all depends on my relationship with God, because the meds only do so much they are just stabilizers. I firmly believe that for anyone with a mental illness to be properly managed they must have a right relationship with God and daily rely on Him for strength. And I have seen this more true than ever during these past months off my meds. He is my strength and I need Him.
*And in a side note I know that dependance on God is something that we all need to work on but in this I am speaking in regards to me having a mental illness and how that keeps me dependent on God.
Ps 27:14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
