well this week has been pretty lousy i got the flu and was puking like non-stop which of course made me loose more weight that of course made my doctor so happy...not. During my pregnancy i have lost about 20lbs and up until two days ago was puking most of the morning which then made me loose my apatite so then ate about only one meal a day...yes i know not good. But i am on my way out and hopefully wont be loosing so much weight. But the funniest thing was having a doctor for the first time in my life telling me he doesn't care how much weight i gain as long as i gain weight. Hearing this was funny and frustrating at the same. I have been trying to loose weight for so long with no results and now that i am i have been loosing weight and my doctor doesnt like it...well needless to say i have been filled with mixed emotions. I want to eat more to feed the baby but i dont cause i like the weight i have lost. This has been a real struggle for me but it has kept me at the Lord's feet seeking for peace of mind.
Being pregnant has been very difficult for me. I don't like being without my bipolar meds and most of the time i feel very ill. I am used to being kind of a super woman doing everything non-stop and working till i drop. well the Lord has halted that foolish plan and given me something that i didn't even dare to dream about. Many times i just want to sleep thru these next 22wks so i don't have to deal with all these problems and can get back to the way things were, but i can't go back and there is a baby coming into my life and things are about to change forever. Don't get me wrong i am so glad that things are changing but so scared at the same time. Being pregnant is hard enough without having bipolar but with this added stress many times my heart is so weary i just want things to have a routine back and have my house in order....okay yes i have a nice run on sentence here. But to get my rattling under control things are hard for me right now and i want to share my heart with you all so the reality of my life and its struggles. And even thru this i have not lost faith in my God who i know has great plans for me. I know that He has already been using this all to make me a better woman, a better wife, and the mother He wants me to be.
I shall not loose faith in my God and am continually thankful for the wonderful life He is creating for me in spite of the pain of this transition. so hold fast because our God is faithful to complete the work He has started in all of us.
