Aaron and I have been staying with a friend since the beginning of september and now we are trying to get into our place. We will find out sometime next week if we got this place or not. Not having our own place and a since of routine has been so hard for me, the stress always sets off my moods. And not having my meds when a mood hits has been so hard i cry to my husband that i just want my pills cause i feel if i can only take one it can make everything better but i know that isn't so. I wish i was still on my meds but being pregnant doesn't allow that.
Being pregnant is such a gift but i have had a hard time really enjoying it sometimes when i am throwing up or just so tired that i can't get out of bed. I know when i get to see the face of my beautiful baby this will all seem so small. But today I am weary of this and wish that i had more joy to embrace the miracle happening inside me. I wish i could be like all the regular expectant mothers who don't have bipolar and can just embrace this with joy and excitement but many times i can't. I don't want to have bipolar anymore I wish that after this beautiful baby is born i would never have to take another pill again, but i know that can't happen. and i have to learn to live with this or it will consume me.
God is with me and i feel him daily comforting me. I have drawn closer to God thru this time and found peace in His holy word. I will continue to draw near to God i don't want to let the depression take me over i know it is not more powerful that His spirit inside me, and i will continue to say this even when i feel i can't believe any more.
God is for me who can be against me. Well for now i am holding tight to God's word and his comfort.
