24 wks and getting excited!!! but the moods always seem to rear its ugly head...

well readers as usual i am not that great at posting regularly but i thought i should give you all an update.  I am 24wks pregnant now and we have found out we are having a girl!!! Her name is going to be Katherine Rose Alene Myers ( see picture at left).  She has so much personality already when we go to the ultrasound appointments she moves around and will stick one foot up in the air or her bottom up it is so funny, and she already has Aaron's wiggles she is always moving her feet just like her daddy. I am so in love with her already and can't wait to meet her. 

The last three weeks my moods have picked up a bit and it has not been easy. I miss being on my meds and the stability they gave me. Many times I feel so unstable and can only sit and cry out to God asking for His comfort and strength which He never ceases to give in abundance.  I wish I could be pregnant without being bipolar this is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through, and wouldn't change having this baby for anything.  I feel that on top of raging hormones from being pregnant bipolar continues to cause me problems and seem to be making daily tasks increasingly difficult.  With these combined I have many times felt like shutting the bedroom door and never coming out again, and of course this is the wrong choice but it sure is hard to go on when everything seems so dark.  The moods I have had the hardest with is depression.  I have short lived manic episodes but mostly it comes in extreme depression.  I have been trying to take this opportunity to learn more about my moods and how to control them, and have grown in this. But I have failed in one way that many times I let my moods hurt the people closest to me, and this is something I am not sure how to fix.  I mean I can't control how someone reacts to my moods...can I? I have no control over others but I do have control over me.  So how do I not let my moods affect other people? I honestly don't know how to do this, and have stressed over this many a night lately.  I am not good at hiding my mood in public or anyplace if I am in a mood I just show it and figure if they don't like it they can leave.  but I am learning that this is not always a healthy choice, but I don't know how to change.  I have been seeking the Lord's guidance and praying that He will teach me to hide them if that is what I need to do, but I am still not sure.
I do know that I am on a path to change and become a better woman of God and to know Him more. I am getting ready also for motherhood which is a path I never thought I would be on, but so glad the Lord had this in His plans for me.

Seeking His will and a sound mind